


This Time I Know and There's No Doubt in my Mind

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Feels Like Heaven [37]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 19:04:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7234807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“That’s an abuse of power, Lieutenant.” She smiled.  “Be careful or you might have to interrogate yourself.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Time I Know and There's No Doubt in my Mind

“Yeah.” Tucker spoke gruffly as he put his glasses down on the desk and rubbed his temples. Actually he threw his glasses down, quickly picking them back up to make sure he didn’t break them. He'd just gotten the pair a week ago; the last pair was a victim of his late evening unhappiness.

“Lieutenant, I just need a couple of minutes of your time.”

“I'm not in the mood for…hi.” Tucker stopped rubbing his eyes long enough to see Olivia Benson standing in the doorway of his office. He began to blink rapidly.

“Are you alright?” she asked, coming in and closing the door.

“I'm seeing spots.” He replied.

“That means it’s time to go home.”

“Tell that to the mountain of paperwork on my desk.”

She walked over and put her hand on top of a stack of folders. It was also on top of his hand. 

“It’s time for the lieutenant to go home.” She said. “He's given all he can give today.”

“If I push it, I've got an hour left in me. I'm sure.”

“Why waste it on paperwork when you can spend it with me?”

“I don’t know why I thought you came all the way down to 1PP without a plan.”

“I leave, you follow me out in about five minutes, and we see where the evening takes us.”

Ed couldn’t help the smile that snuck across his face. He didn’t smile often in the office; it wasn’t conducive to his job. He was facing a lot of angry cops, mostly corrupt cops, and no one was happy. He was rarely happy. But that wasn’t the case when he was with Liv. 

How could someone not be happy with her? She exuded this energy that was food for his soul. When they weren't together, Ed wanted to be and when they were he hardly knew how to let go. It had been a long time since he'd fallen for someone. He’d built a lot of walls, for good reason. 

Olivia came through like a wrecking ball. He was sure, even though they were now mostly calling themselves a couple, that she didn’t feel for him like he felt for her. Ed could live with that right now. They hadn’t been dating long and it was pretty complicated. 

Their long history, though both promised to keep it in the past, still existed. It was hard for her to reconcile who he was with who she always believed him to be. Maybe he even believed himself to be that person at one time. He wasn’t. Ed knew for sure that he wasn’t.

“I wouldn’t exactly call that a plan, Sergeant.” He said.

“Well, I'm in the mood for something; you wanna hear what?”

“Dazzle me.”

“A milkshake.” Liv replied.

“Brooklyn Farmacy has the best milkshakes in the city. We can take the bridge and be there in 20 minutes. I can put on the siren and we’ll be there in ten.”

“That’s an abuse of power, Lieutenant.” She smiled. “Be careful or you might have to interrogate yourself.”

“You really want a milkshake?” he asked. Ed noticed that her hand was still on top of his. That was nice.

“Yeah.”

“OK, I'm wrapping it up.”

“It’s 6:42,” Olivia looked at her watch. “I'm walking out of your office door. Five minutes.”

“I’ll be wherever you are.” He said.

“Outside, trying to breathe the increasingly oppressive air.”

“August is either oppressive or stormy. Sometimes it’s a son of a bitch and just prefers both.”

“Five minutes.” Liv lifted her hand off his and turned to walk out of the office.

Ed watched her go, trying to control his smile the entire way. He was never sure if she did the hips thing on purpose or if that was the way she always walked. No, it had to be for him; usually Olivia walked like a cop. One of these days he'd tell her that both walks were sexy as hell. He shook off the slightly dirty thoughts and started organizing the folders and papers on his desk. 

Some went into the locked drawers. He put away his tape recorders and meeting minutes. When Ed was sure everything was as it needed to be, he turned off the desk lamp and left the office. There was no need to hit the overhead lights, janitorial would be around in a couple of hours to clean. He ran into his partner as he was making his way to the elevator.

“I thought you were going to stay and go over the Ross questioning.” Cole said. He had a big cup of coffee and a bigger coffee roll.

“I'm out of here. It'll be there in the morning. I’ll come in and give it an extra hour or so. I don’t know why, it’s clear she's lying through her teeth to protect Baker.”

“You never leave before 8.”

“I have a few times.” Ed said.

“It’s not Tuesday; it’s not Gilmore Girl night with Cait.”

“Wanna ask me something, Cole?” Ed stepped onto the elevator and looked at his partner.

“More like is there something you wanna tell me, Tucker.”

“Yes,” he waved as the doors closed in front of him. “Have a good night…don’t work too hard.”

Ed walked out of the building as quickly as his feet could take him. It was time to say goodnight to IAB and 1PP. Olivia was standing close to one of the ashtrays where people dropped their cigarettes before coming into the building. It was still bright, hot, and humid outside. She looked bored and Ed found something about that sexy. He found everything about Olivia sexy.

“I could kiss you right now.” He walked over to her, put the palm of his hand on the wall beside her.

“I dare you.”

“I would.”

“Its broad daylight.” Olivia said.

“I've kissed you in broad daylight before.”

“In the car.” She said, gently pushing his arm.

“Don’t make a dare your mouth can't cash, Benson.” Ed smirked as he turned to walk away. In a matter of moments she was at his side. She didn’t say a word but he glanced at her. She was wearing that little smirk on her face, that Benson smirk, the one he always wanted to kiss. So Ed started walking just a bit faster.

***

“Yes.” Liv drug the word out as she closed her eyes and tilted her head back in the chair. “This is it.”

“Is it?”

“Mmm, yes, yes, it is. It’s perfect.”

“How much caffeine does coffee ice cream have in it?” Ed asked, sipping his caramel milkshake.

“Sadly, only about 30 milligrams or so. I'd get more jolt from a Vanilla Coke. But this isn't about the caffeine. This is about the delicious.” Olivia looked at him. “I do have the best ideas sometimes.”

“I have to agree. Thanks for dragging me out of there; I didn’t have it in me tonight.”

“I don’t know how you do it.” Liv shook her head.

“I have my reasons.” Ed knew exactly what she was saying. “Someone has to.”

“Does it have to be you?” she asked, focusing on her milkshake again. 

Now probably wasn’t the best time to have this conversation. She never got on Ed about his work, they both said that things that happened before the drink were off the table. He'd been an IAB detective way before buying her a drink. And he was right, someone had to. 

An organization like the NYPD needed a checks and balance system. Olivia had seen more than one dirty cop in her time as an officer. Sometimes Internal Affairs could be just as bad. It wasn’t that she thought Ed was a dirty cop, nothing like that. She just wondered how he dealt with the stench from without and within.

“Yes.” He nodded. “Liv, you knew I was in IAB before you got involved with me.”

“I did and I'm sorry. I don’t mean sorry about getting involved with you.”

“You don’t have to apologize. You don’t like my job, I get it. I hope that doesn’t have any bearing on how you feel about me as a person.”

“It used to.” She said.

“And now?”

“Can I be honest and say sometimes I don’t know? Somedays I'm just flying by the seat of my pants and I reach for your hand because I don’t want to fly alone. I don’t want that to sound as awful as I think it sounds. Just forget I said it. What I mean to say is that you're a stabilizing force, Tucker.”

That didn’t sound particularly romantic and Ed didn’t know what to make it. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for someone to say the person they were dating helped stabilized them, so that didn’t bother him that much. But he was sometimes concerned that Liv wasn’t going to be able to separate Ed Tucker from Mothertucker. He was one of the best on the force at what he did and with that came a long list of enemies. 

For years, Olivia Benson had been one of them. It wasn’t that way anymore but often Ed worried that was just for the moment. One bad move by one of her cops, one perceived bad move, and his department would have to do its job. Could he and Liv survive something like that?

“I've had women call me worse so I guess I won't be too upset.” He tried to smile.

“How many women?” Liv asked.

“Have called me worse? Shit, how much time do you have?”

“Were you involved with any of them?”

“One, but it was in college. I think other than my ex-wife, the two women I've had relationships with would be good character witnesses on my behalf.”

“There's only been two? In a decade?” Liv raised an eyebrow. She wasn’t sure she believed it, though Ed had no reason to lie to her. Still, relationships and dating were two separate things. He could've dated 15 women for all she knew.

“Claire and Michelle.” He replied. “It just didn’t work out.”

“Why?”

That wasn’t an easy question to answer. It wasn’t as if Ed hadn’t made mistakes where those women and those relationships were concerned. Their end wasn’t entirely his fault but no one was perfect. He wasn’t in the mood to paint himself as the good guy or the bad guy tonight. He was just the guy.

“For better or for worse, I was putting it all into the job…and my kids. And sometimes not even my kids. I'm ashamed to say that but I did miss things. I wasn’t the father that my father was.”

“You are a wonderful father.” Liv reached across the table and took his hand. “I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. It’s true.”

“Thank you. Are you hungry, because I'm really hungry?”

“We could get a menu.”

“I don’t want hipster food.” Ed shook his head. “Hipster milkshakes are fine but I'm drawing the line at hipster food.”

“Well what are you in the mood for, Lieutenant?”

He smiled a bit. He loved when she said that. He loved when she said it as they were rolling around on the bed.

“I think pizza but I also think wings so…”

“Why not have both?”

“Exactly.” Ed nodded.

“And I know the perfect way to burn off all those calories when we’re done.” Liv said. “It might be a little rigorous but I think you can handle it.”

“You can tell me all about it on the way back to your place.” Ed stood up and Liv did as well. “Slowly, so I don’t crash into anything.”

They walked out and Ed put his arm around her as they walked the three blocks back to his car. That wasn’t something they usually did in Manhattan. He might hold her hand or Liv would put her arm in his but there was still this fear of getting caught. It wasn’t as if they were doing anything wrong, cops were allowed to date and often did. The only snag was that dating a superior, whether you worked together or not, was technically not OK. 

Considering so many other things the NYPD overlooked, Liv was sure they would do the same in her situation. It was just with their history and the many clashes IAB and SVU had, neither knew how either squad would take to them seeing each other. The thing was still new, fresh and incredibly wonderful (most of the time), Liv and Ed didn’t want anyone else invading it yet. That went double for those who might like to voice their displeasure.

“We should come to Brooklyn more often.” She said.

“It is a nice borough.”

“And despite there being over a million more people here than in Manhattan, no one pays any attention to us.”

“If you want anonymity, we could always go to Staten Island….or Hoboken.”

“Sometimes I feel like Hoboken is closer.” Liv said.

“If you account for traffic, it is.” Ed laughed and kissed her temple. “It is nice to be able to put my arm around you in public. You didn’t even hesitate.”

“See, like I said, we should definitely come to Brooklyn more often.”

***


End file.
